The Forgotten One.

Let's get personal.

 I rarely do "personal posts" on here because I don't really see the need for it. I have a Tumblr and kind of keep all my personal stuff on there but then I thought I label this blog as lifestyle. So I should have a little bit of something about me on here. I'm the sorta person that'll mope super hard about something but only for a little while. It takes me no time to get over things. So I'll have this whole post planned out and then won't feel the need to post it or anything because by the time I'm done I'm usually done moping and what I've written seems pointless and just not relevant. But regardless I'm sorta forcing myself to post this one.

I'm often the type that gets forgotten in my group. I know, I know *wacks out the violin* but it's true. But I'm okay with this. It's just the way things work. I'm not as confident as my friends. I also suffer with anxiety and depression (and other things which I won't mention) so my mood tends to fluctuate a hell of a lot! People rarely know what they're getting with me and it's very rare that they see me in the same mood twice. I'm also incredibly flakey; I'll say I'm gonna do something then back out (that'll be the good ol' anxiety kicking in). I'm also kind of a recluse I tend to go in myself when I'm sad or something and people often misread this as me just being a bit of bitch but it's honestly not. I just cope that way. My long-term friends will know this and completely understand but I've found that it's getting increasingly harder to make new friends. I guess I'm just afraid of putting myself out there. 

I went a long time having a lot of self hatred for myself. I was overweight, ugly, not confident, immature I could go on for ages but that's not the point of this post! So I hated myself blah blah blah, but I'm slowly getting over this.

For the first time in ages I'm feeling pretty okay with myself. I've lost a lot of weight; I'm by no means thin but I'm curvy and I accept that. It's also safe to say that puberty has done me well. My face has gotten more structured, I've learnt how to apply make-up better, I'm have such a better sense of fashion than I did a year ago and I feel like everything's just falling into place. I've also noticed that people are noticing me more. Before I would be kind of overlooked but boys are starting to notice. And this is real strange for me because I've never had attention of the male variation before. Don't know how to feel about it to be honest. However it's nice. I keep asking myself "Why? What do you want? Who paid you?" But I've started to think of it as everyone has different tastes; you might not be one persons cup of tea but someone else might come alone and just slurp you up! (okay that sounded better in my head, but I'm still keeping it in there)

I'm just writing this in case any of you out there are having a bit of rough time and might need a bit of a pick me up. With the fear of sounding like the biggest cliché ever, I'm just telling you that it does get better. You never know how time (and a great wardrobe) is gonna affect you so just hold out! 

I hated myself for a long time and I thought it would always be this way. But now I'm finally feeling confident in myself. I've learnt that I don't need others approval to feed my ego. If I'm perfectly happy within myself then it's great. Just remember that you make YOU. No-one else is going to make your decisions, no-one else is going to be inside your mind and no-one else is going to know you better then you know yourself. I thought for a long time that I wouldn't be complete till I had found a boyfriend and it's only just recently that I'm like "hell no". I don't need no man to define who I am. Go be the independent person you know you can be and find what makes YOU happy!

Even though this post had no structure whatsoever and was just like word vomit on the page I hope you enjoyed it anyway!

I don’t really have anything else to say so I hope you’ve had a great weekend and I plan to post a bit more regularly than I have been. Look out for those.

As always

Much love

Deanna xo